My anxiety has returned with a vengeance, and today I think I feel worse than ever. I am so frustrated and cannot see a way out.
This blog entry is drenched in tears!
I feel a failure, that everybody hates me for being a failure and every extra second I spend worrying and fretting is another second wasted. I don't want to waste anymore time and I don't want to get any lower than I am now.
I have got myself better before and should know how to do it again. But this time it actually seems ten times harder. I worry I am going crazy and I am so terrified of having a panic attack I can hardly do anything.
So, I thought I would make a blog, and maybe I can chart my way to getting better. Looking back I can see the tiny steps I am making rather than beating myself up more and making myself feel worse.
This is not exactly the best way to open my journal as I am so down at the moment it is difficult to express myself. The best I can describe the inside of my head as is a whirling mess of worry, self hatred and confused thoughts.
Today I am going to start doing a technique called mindfulness. It is my first step to trying to get myself better. And because every day is important I will try and remember to do it at least once a day.
I think I may do a bit of shopping on ebay first. Not recommended for those who are down, but it is a purchase I have been considering for three weeks. Anchor printed fabric!
Wish me luck world. I hope I can rejoin you soon.
Amy x
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